Why So Few Ask For Help


 “Ask and it shall be given”, is one of the most famous verses in the Bible. There’s a very good reason for that. The self-made millionaires in my study made it a habit to ask for help. Yet, despite the fame, very few take this advice and ask for help from others. Why?

Fear. Actually, two fears: #1 The Fear of Rejection and #2 The Fear of Obligation.

Rejection makes you feel embarrassed, it’s humiliating, its demeaning. It can cause anger, hatred and, well, pick your favorite negative emotion. Rejection takes us to a deep, dark negative place.

Obligation means you owe someone. Someone did you a favor and now you owe them. Many people don’t ask others for help because they don’t want to feel like they are then obligated to them.

Self-made millionaires have been able to overcome these two fears, because they learned two magic secrets. Want to know they are?

Secret #1 Flipping the Dopamine Switch by Managing Expectations – Dopamine is a neuro-chemical produced by the brain. A drop in dopamine causes negative emotions. A rise in dopamine causes positive emotions. When you expect a “yes” after you ask for help but receive a “no” your dopamine level drops immediately, generating feelings of sadness, depression, anger (negative emotions). Self-made millionaires somehow figured this out and have come up with a way to flip the switch on this dopamine process. They manage their expectations by conditioning themselves for rejection when they ask for help. They actually expect to be rejected, so when they are rejected they’re ok with it. Their dopamine level is unaffected. When someone surprises them, and instead says “yes”, their dopamine level immediately shoots up and they instantly become happy, optimistic and enthusiastic (positive emotions). They’ve figured out a way to flip the dopamine switch.

Secret #2 Obligation Creates Partnerships – Self-made millionaires also figured something else out. When you are obligated to someone it actually strengthens relationships. You will eventually reciprocate the favor and that relationship will become stronger as a result. Obligation forges partnerships. You need partnerships to succeed in life. Obligation is a way to gain partners.



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Thomas C. Corley About Thomas C. Corley

Tom Corley understands the difference between being rich and poor: at age nine, his family went from being multi-millionaires to broke in just one night, due to a catastrophic fire that destroyed his Dad's thriving business. For fourteen years they struggled with poverty. There were eleven in Tom's family, and they lived in constant fear of losing their home.

Driven by the desire to unlock the secrets to success and failure, Tom spent five years studying the daily activities of 233 rich people and 128 poor people. He discovered there was an immense difference between the habits of the rich and the poor. During his research he identified over 300 daily activities that separated the “haves” from the “have nots.” Tom decided to write a book to share what he learned. That book, Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals (1st Edition), went on to become an Amazon Bestseller in the United States forty times over a three year period. To give you some perspective, in order to be a true Amazon Bestseller in the United States, where you actually receive a specific Bestseller designation from Amazon, you need to be in the top 100 of all books sold by Amazon in the United States in a given day. Rich Habits did that for nearly thirty straight days, rising as high as #7, eclipsing such Bestselling authors such as Stephen Covey, Robert Kiyosaki and J.K. Rowlings. Imagine that - an unknown, first-time, self-published author selling more books than J.K. Rowlings!

Tom now travels the world, sharing his Rich Habits and motivating audiences at industry conferences, corporate events, universities, multi-level marketing group events, and global sales organizations’ presentations and finance conferences. He has even spoken on the same stage with famous entrepreneurs and personal development experts, such as Sir Richard Branson, Robin Sharma, Dr. Daniel Amen, and many others.

Tom has shared his insights on various national and international network, cable, and Internet television programs such as CBS Evening News, NBC News, Yahoo Financially Fit, Money.com, India TV, News.com Australia, and a host of others. He has been interviewed on many prestigious nationally syndicated radio shows, including the Dave Ramsey Show, Marketplace Money, and WABC.

Tom has been featured in numerous print magazines—such as Money magazine, Inc. Magazine, SUCCESS Magazine, Entrepreneur magazine, Fast Company magazine, More magazine, Epoca Magazine (Brazil’s largest weekly) and Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine—and various online publications, including USA Today, CNN, MSN Money, SUCCESS.com, Inc.com, and the Huffington Post. Tom is a frequent contributor to Business Insider, Credit.com, Bankrate.com and a few other media outlets.

National publicity has garnered international media attention for Tom and his Rich Habits research spanning 23 countries. Broadcast media, online publications, and television throughout Asia, the South Pacific, Europe, the United Kingdom, and Central and South America have shared his powerful message.

In an effort to help parents, grandparents, teachers and adults become success mentors to the younger generation, Tom released his second book, Rich Kids: How to Raise Our Children to be Happy and Successful in Life in 2014. This book was the self-help category winner of the 2015 New York Book Festival and Runner-up in the prestigious 2015 Writer’s Digest Self-Published Book Awards Contest. In 2016 Tom released his third book, Change Your Habits, Change Your Life. This book provides the latest science on habit change as well as more of Tom's unique research on the specific habits that helped transform 177 ordinary individuals into self-made millionaires.

Besides being an author, Tom is also a CPA, CFP, and hold a master’s degree in taxation. As president of Cerefice and Company, CPAs, Tom heads one of the premier financial firms in New Jersey.
Phone Number: 732-382-3800 Ext. 103.
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